Keep Trying

So, first I want to say thank you for taking the time to read my article. I realize that you could be doing a number of things other than consuming my content. I also want to thank you, because by participating, you are helping me fulfill my dream to share my message with others.           

            Today I was listening to a speaker talk about taking a positive approach to success. He spoke about how many people say that they want success, but they don’t really want to do what it takes to be successful. He spoke about how much it takes to become successful. He spoke about how many negative experiences happen before you have a positive experience. He went on to talk about how much value there is in earning what you have, because when you earn what you have, it’s yours for life.

            This speech really stuck with me and made me think about the areas in life that I have had success in. It made me think about the many conversations that I have had with people wanting advice about how they can have similar success. The sad part about the conversations is that very rarely are people willing to go to the same lengths that I was willing to go for the success. Many people will hear my story and say “well, was there anything you would have done to make it easier?” I am always disappointed because they miss the moral of the story, which is being persistent.

            The story I tell is how my college roommate and I hustled to make sure that we got as much funding as possible to get our schooling paid. I remember it like it was yesterday. I got an email while I was at the regional convention for my college fraternity. I saw the email, but I could not take the time to read it because I had a full day of activities that I had to complete with very little free time in between activities. Also, I was admittedly nervous about what the email might say. So, instead of reading the email, I just waited. I waited because I didn’t want to risk the possibility of being devastated by learning I was not admitted for the possibility of learning that I did get in and being blissfully excited. Fortunately for me, when day was over, I open the email and found out that I was admitted to the school, which is the number one school in the nation. Upon finding out I was accepted, I immediately broke into tears, because I had finally finished the process of officially bringing my fraternity back to my campus and got accepted to grad-school in the same day. Once I pull myself together, I called my friend and soon to be college roommate, only to find out that he had also been admitted and was already worrying about how we were going to pay for school.

            We applied for every single scholarship that we had heard about and any that we had recently learned about, because there was a caveat in all of them that stated that you had to be admitted to an accredited program to be eligible for consideration. Out of all of the applications that we put in, we received no scholarships. So, we reached out to the school to ask if they had resources that we should be looking into. They gave us a list of opportunities that we could apply for. Although there were many opportunities, we were only qualified for a few. Once we applied for the opportunities, we went on to reach back out to the school to find out what else we could do to get funded. At this point we were told that the school had an open-door policy and we were welcome to talk to all staff and administration. We went to school a few weeks early and began the process of knocking on every single door of every single staff member, and administrator until we had solid leads on how we could get school paid for. We failed so much and dealt with so much rejection before we were able to find success. The key learning for us was the you should never give up. Success will come one day.

Commitment

So, first I want to say thank you for taking the time to read my article. I realize that you could be doing a number of things other than consuming my content. I also want to thank you, because by participating, you are helping me fulfill my dream to share my message with others.           

            As I write this post I realize that I am committed to this small task of simply writing a post every day. I now understand what so many have said before; “commitment is its own reward.” This commitment brings me joy and I am thankful that I have the strength to follow through.

Who am I?

So, first I want to say thank you for taking the time to read my article. I realize that you could be doing a number of things other than consuming my content. I also want to thank you, because by participating, you are helping me fulfill my dream to share my message with others.           

            I was listening to a song by Macklamore call “same love.” The theme of the song is, we need to accept each other just as we are.  I listened to the song at least 10 times, and I began to think about a lot of things that Cassie and I talk about on what seems like a daily basis. Topics like sex, gender norms, religion, being black, being American, being Christian. We ultimately come to the same conclusion, “you have to question all things you are most certain about”- Cassandra T. As I listened to the words of the song by Macklamore I found myself thinking about all the spaces that men who are not of color have the freedom to explore.

            In all honesty, I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that in a genre of music that is almost exclusively dominated by black men, the conversations that are most impactful, don’t get the recognition they deserve until they are addressed by men who are not black. While I applaud Macklamore for speaking out on the topic, I was a little taken back by the overwhelming success of the song. I was also pushed into deep thought, because I am admittedly jealous of how liberating it must be to be what you want, talk about what you want, and do what you want with no real repercussions for your actions. I am also a bit disgusted by the amount of money that he made talking about controversial subjects that effect minority communities.

            But I digress. I will refocus my energy on being exactly who I want to be. I will propel myself to a place that allows me to feel comfortable doing exactly what I want to do and nothing more. I am not sure I will ever get to a place where I feel free to do what I want, but I do believe I will get to a place where I do what I want. I am excited to be on the path that may lead me to a life that affords me the opportunity to live the life that I want to live. I think that that I will start small by continuing to push the boundaries of what defines a man and a woman.

            I am becoming more and more of a proponent of not subscribing to gender norms. The concept is simple, if there is something that society tells me that I should be doing just because I am a man, I will make my own decision on if I want to subscribe to that norm or stereotype or not subscribe to its. I will take the same approach when I think about things that women should be doing simply because they are women. What does this thought process look like outside of clothes? I try to think about it from the perspective of roles in a relationship, and expectation of how a relationship “should work.” I will focus on the strengths that we each have and lean on them. If I am a better cook, then I will cook (to be clear, I’m not). If I am better at washing clothes, then I will wash clothes. If she has a job that pays more money, then we will follow her career. If she is better at organizing things, then we will follow her plan. Overall, when I think about not subscribing to gender norms, it makes me wonder why we would ever subscribe to them in the first place. It seemed to me like a system that would ultimately end in failure, because you are not allowing people to do what they are good at. Instead they are given a list of things that they are expected to be do or be just because of gender. But, I tell you this, it won’t be me that lives in that box. Not now, or ever.