Who am I?

So, first I want to say thank you for taking the time to read my article. I realize that you could be doing a number of things other than consuming my content. I also want to thank you, because by participating, you are helping me fulfill my dream to share my message with others.           

            I was listening to a song by Macklamore call “same love.” The theme of the song is, we need to accept each other just as we are.  I listened to the song at least 10 times, and I began to think about a lot of things that Cassie and I talk about on what seems like a daily basis. Topics like sex, gender norms, religion, being black, being American, being Christian. We ultimately come to the same conclusion, “you have to question all things you are most certain about”- Cassandra T. As I listened to the words of the song by Macklamore I found myself thinking about all the spaces that men who are not of color have the freedom to explore.

            In all honesty, I didn’t know how to feel about the fact that in a genre of music that is almost exclusively dominated by black men, the conversations that are most impactful, don’t get the recognition they deserve until they are addressed by men who are not black. While I applaud Macklamore for speaking out on the topic, I was a little taken back by the overwhelming success of the song. I was also pushed into deep thought, because I am admittedly jealous of how liberating it must be to be what you want, talk about what you want, and do what you want with no real repercussions for your actions. I am also a bit disgusted by the amount of money that he made talking about controversial subjects that effect minority communities.

            But I digress. I will refocus my energy on being exactly who I want to be. I will propel myself to a place that allows me to feel comfortable doing exactly what I want to do and nothing more. I am not sure I will ever get to a place where I feel free to do what I want, but I do believe I will get to a place where I do what I want. I am excited to be on the path that may lead me to a life that affords me the opportunity to live the life that I want to live. I think that that I will start small by continuing to push the boundaries of what defines a man and a woman.

            I am becoming more and more of a proponent of not subscribing to gender norms. The concept is simple, if there is something that society tells me that I should be doing just because I am a man, I will make my own decision on if I want to subscribe to that norm or stereotype or not subscribe to its. I will take the same approach when I think about things that women should be doing simply because they are women. What does this thought process look like outside of clothes? I try to think about it from the perspective of roles in a relationship, and expectation of how a relationship “should work.” I will focus on the strengths that we each have and lean on them. If I am a better cook, then I will cook (to be clear, I’m not). If I am better at washing clothes, then I will wash clothes. If she has a job that pays more money, then we will follow her career. If she is better at organizing things, then we will follow her plan. Overall, when I think about not subscribing to gender norms, it makes me wonder why we would ever subscribe to them in the first place. It seemed to me like a system that would ultimately end in failure, because you are not allowing people to do what they are good at. Instead they are given a list of things that they are expected to be do or be just because of gender. But, I tell you this, it won’t be me that lives in that box. Not now, or ever.